No Credit Cards

Customer buying 2 15-packs of Keystone Light because it is 1 cent cheaper than a 30 pack, hands me a credit card.
Me: Sorry the card machine is down. I can only take cash.
Him: Well why the hell doesn’t the blonde [the owner] come fix it.
Me: There is nothing she can do about it, it is all over town right now. A lot of banks and businesses are down.
Him: Well why would that happen?
Me: I think it is AT&T being down. I heard someone cut a fiber optic cable.
Him: Well why would she have AT&T if they are going to go down then! You can put this back. *storms out*
*I guess he thinks the owner can see the future*

Still Awake?

Customer: I’m glad you guys are still awake.
Me: Awake?
Him: Yeah. Everyone is asleep.
Me: Well we are open till 1am.
Him: It’s after 1.
Me: It’s only 9.
Him: Oh… Help the people at the drive-thru first.
Me: There is no one at the drive-thru. What can I get you?
Him: I just need cigarettes. I’m not in a hurry. Help them first.
Me: There is no one there. *I had to open the window to show him*
Him: Marlboro Menthol.
Me: That will be $7.39.
*He pulls out a wad of cash and slowly hands me 4 singles. Puts money away*
Me: I still need $3.39
*Pulls out money and hands me 1 more dollar. Puts money away.*
I still need $2.39
*Repeat 1 dollar at a time till I have $8.*

The guy was too drunk and stoned to function.


Guy in the drive-thru starts backing up with another car sitting behind him. I had to yell at him to stop. Then he says “You know they do that so you hit them and they can sue.”

It’s a drive-thru. They were waiting in line…

I have no idea why people think it is a good idea to back out of our the drive-thru. I have seen at least 4 accidents because of that.

“Those” Cigarettes

Customer: Can I get a pack of those cigarettes? *pointing*
Me: Which ones?
Her: Those.
Me: The Eagles?
Her: No over.
Me: These?
Her: No down.
Me: These?
Her: No left. The green ones.
Me: These?
Her: I mean right.
Me: These?
Her: The 100s.
Me: These? Her:
No the Maverick’s!

Fucking people. I thought she couldn’t read or something. Made me play a damn guessing game instead of just saying what she wanted.

Dollar Shots

Customer buying a 15 pack of Keystone Light and 2 shots of Southern Comfort
Me: That will be $10.74.
Him: *Counting a few singles and change* $7:75. Just made it!
Me: No. TEN, 74.
Him: What?! No! The shots are a dollar.
Me: They are 2 dollars.
Him: They are a dollar.
Me: Southern is 2 dollars. The only shot we have that is a dollar is this cheap vodka. *shows him the shot*
Him: I don’t want vodka.
Me: Well all the other shots are $2 or more. You can get just one of the southerns.
Him: Which shots are a dollar?
Me: …None. *He just bought the beer and had $2.25 left*
Him: What shot can I get for $2.25?
Me: Most of them. You can get one of the southerns.
Him: Well gimme that then!

Don’t Drive Drunk!

I wasn’t actually a part of this one, since it happened before we even opened. At about 5:30 am, a guy ran out of off booze and decided it was a good idea to drive, completely wasted, to the store expecting us to be open. He came up the drive-thru and ran his car into the steel/cement pole. Smashed up his car and flattened his tire, then after realizing we weren’t open continued down the road smashing into more things (signs, other cars, etc.) and completely totaling his car.

Shockingly when the police caught him, he was completely honest about what happened.

On a side note, I am really glad that pole is there to protect the building. I have seen people loose side mirrors and smash their cars a few times, but my favorite was the guy who hit the pole, ripping off his front bumper and said “is that pole ok?” I replied, “that pole is there for a reason, your car isn’t ok though”. Without even getting out of the car, the guy in the back seat says “can we get a 30 pack of Busch Light?”

I got them their beer, they put the bumper in the trunk, the driver and passenger switched places and down the road they went.


Making Change

Me: That will be $18.20.
*Customer hands me a $10 and 2 $5s and I give him his change*
Him: Can I get change for this $20?
Me: Uhhh, yeah. What do you need?
Him: Just a $10 and 2 $5s.
Me: You really didn’t think this through.
*He didn’t understand what I meant. I took the $20 and gave him back the $10 and $5s he just paid with*

Crack’s a Hell of a Drug

The crazy crack head was in today.

He was just repeating the same sentences with a little unintelligible gibberish while I keep nodding and going “mhmm.”

This is the gist of what he said:

“I ain’t gonna give up. I ain’t gonna give up. Fuck those Russian mother fuckers. They took my money. I ain’t no nigger. I ain’t gonna give up. Fuck em”.

1.25 < 1.29

*Customer walks in*
Me: How’s it going?
Him: ….
*Brings up a beer*
Me: $1.29.
*He tosses a dollar and quarter on the counter. Didn’t feel like dealing with telling him that he was 4 cents short so I just put it in the drawer.*
Me: Have a good day.
*He stands there looking at me for a second and then puts out his hand*
Him: My Change!?
Me: It was $1.29. You didn’t even give me enough.
Him: I gave you $1.25!
Me: Yeah… You were 4 cents short.
*He grabbed his beer, waved his hand, and made an annoyed grunt like I was the jerk.*