Still Awake?

Customer: I’m glad you guys are still awake.
Me: Awake?
Him: Yeah. Everyone is asleep.
Me: Well we are open till 1am.
Him: It’s after 1.
Me: It’s only 9.
Him: Oh… Help the people at the drive-thru first.
Me: There is no one at the drive-thru. What can I get you?
Him: I just need cigarettes. I’m not in a hurry. Help them first.
Me: There is no one there. *I had to open the window to show him*
Him: Marlboro Menthol.
Me: That will be $7.39.
*He pulls out a wad of cash and slowly hands me 4 singles. Puts money away*
Me: I still need $3.39
*Pulls out money and hands me 1 more dollar. Puts money away.*
I still need $2.39
*Repeat 1 dollar at a time till I have $8.*

The guy was too drunk and stoned to function.

Don’t Drive Drunk!

I wasn’t actually a part of this one, since it happened before we even opened. At about 5:30 am, a guy ran out of off booze and decided it was a good idea to drive, completely wasted, to the store expecting us to be open. He came up the drive-thru and ran his car into the steel/cement pole. Smashed up his car and flattened his tire, then after realizing we weren’t open continued down the road smashing into more things (signs, other cars, etc.) and completely totaling his car.

Shockingly when the police caught him, he was completely honest about what happened.

On a side note, I am really glad that pole is there to protect the building. I have seen people loose side mirrors and smash their cars a few times, but my favorite was the guy who hit the pole, ripping off his front bumper and said “is that pole ok?” I replied, “that pole is there for a reason, your car isn’t ok though”. Without even getting out of the car, the guy in the back seat says “can we get a 30 pack of Busch Light?”

I got them their beer, they put the bumper in the trunk, the driver and passenger switched places and down the road they went.


Dog Units

Guy in the drive-thru: Let me get a half dog of vodka.
Me: A what?
Guy: Just cheap vodka.
Me: What size?
Guy: A half dog.
Me: Like a half pint?
Guy: Sure.
*grabs a half pint of McCormick vodka*
Me: This size?
Guy: Yeah… No. Actually just give me the full dog.
*grabs pint*
Me: This one?
Guy: Yeah.

I have never heard someone measure liquor in dog units before. I assume a fifth is a double dog? But then whats a half gallon or a shooter?

Money Is Confusing

People really don’t understand this money thing…

Customer at the drive-thru buying a pack of cigarettes.

Me: That will be $6.94.
*she hands me $6 in bills and then counts change*
Her: Here’s the 84.
Me: Sorry, it’s 94 cents.
Her: Make sure I counted that right.
*I assume she is just not hearing me right*
Me: Sorry its 94 not 84 cents. I need another dime.
Her: Make sure that’s right before I drive away.
Me: I just need another dime.
Her: Did I give you enough?
Me: … Yeah, you’re fine. Have a good night.

I was not dealing with that anymore over a dime.

Don’t Shop High

Had a customer come in obviously very stoned and buy over $100 in cigarettes. He seemed confused the whole time and I’m not sure he really knew what he was doing. I wonder how long it will take before he realizes he bought 19 packs of cigarettes.

The Other Triple Sec?

I had a customer come in looking for Triple Sec, so I show it where it was and hand him the bottle of the only brand we carry.

Him: You only have the orange one?! I need the other one.
Me: That’s what Triple Sec is. An orange liqueur…
Him: No I need the other one.

He puts the bottle back and just rushes out of the store before I had time to even say anything. He must be in a huge hurry for whatever drink he is trying to make.


After some research I assume he was looking for Blue Curacao. But if there is another kind of Triple Sec let me know.

Nickels Are Not Dimes

For the last few days I have had a customer buying a beer that cost $2.14 after tax and he kept giving me $2.09. 2 dollar bills, a nickel and 4 pennies. He did it a couple times a day and would even say “two fourteen” like it was the right amount. I couldn’t figure out a way to tell him that a nickel was not ten cents without sounding like an ass or turning it into a bigger deal than I really cared about.

Today he bought the same thing and actually payed the right amount but gave me a strange look when he set the change on the counter. I assume someone must have explained how coins work to him. Wonder how that conversation went.

Crazy Crack Head

Had a crack head come into the store today. I am not being mean or stereotyping by calling him a crack head, I am calling him a crack head because he told me that he smokes crack.

CH: I need apple.
Me: uhh, apple juice?.. Crown Apple?.. Jim Beam Apple?..
CH: Yeah.
Me: which one?
CH: Jim.
Me: We only have the Jim Apple in the fifths. *He was looking at the smaller bottles, and I pointed to where the fifth was*
CH: I don’t know, you need to show me.
*I walked over to the Jim Beam Apple, showed him and told him the price*
CH: Yeah. That’s it. That’s what I need.
Me: Ok, anything else?
CH: Yeah… *he said “Yeah” a lot*
CH: Do you have that stuff?
Me: What stuff?
CH: Pop stuff.
Me: We have two-liters right there.
*I pointed at the two-liter bottles. I couldn’t walk over to them because he was standing in the aisle blocking me.*
CH: I need squirt.
Me: There is squirt right there.
*Again pointing because he was in the way*
CH: Show me.
*He didn’t move… I did my best to squeeze around him. He smelled terrible and I didn’t really want to touch him.*
Me: Right here *I picked up the bottle of squirt*
CH: Yeah. That’s it.
Me: Ok, is that all?
CH: Yeah.
*I rang up the bottles of Jim and Squirt and told him the price*
CH: Do you have that other stuff? *pointing back at the two-liters*
Me: Like sprite, 7-up, ginger ale, coke?
Ch: Uhhhh… *Silence*
CH: I don’t want this. *picking up the bottle of squirt and slamming it back down on the counter*
Me: Ok, So just the Jim then?
CH: Yeah.
*Told him the price, he basically threw the money at me, just kinda tossed up on the counter. I gave him his change and said have a good night. *

*This is when it got interesting. He just started talking. Most of what he said was repeated multiple times, sometimes stopping mid-sentence and saying something else, sometimes just mumbling. I mainly just repeated “oh”, “mhmm”, “ah”, etc. I had no idea how to reply. This is the gist of it…

CH: I’m going home. That bitch. She locked me out. My girlfriend. I don’t carry my crack with me. That’s bad. She locked me out. I called the landlord on her. He called the police. She has my bills. I’m gonna burn them. The bills are locked in with her. She has my crack. That’s bad. I called the police. I’m going home. Bitch locked me out. She has 9 days to get out. Bills. Don’t tell anyone I bought this. That bitch has my bills. I called my landlord.

*I had a customer pull up to the window so I turned around and just said “Alright, have a good night”

CH: I’m going home. Don’t tell anyone I bought this.

I almost feel bad telling everyone what he bought since he repeatedly asked me not too, but I doubt anyone he knows will read this and it was just too strange/funny not to tell.